


Thinking Time

by tensofthousandsoftinyships (evilolive)



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Drabble, Friendship/Love, I Blame Tumblr, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, OTP Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 10:38:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3807232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilolive/pseuds/tensofthousandsoftinyships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You have a crush on Connor." Off the cuff drabble set following the TP-ing incident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking Time

**Author's Note:**

> Second favourite fic of mine aside from the magnum opus.

Taylor’s interruption was a welcome one. 

“It’s cool. It’s cool.”  

Jude thanked the stars above him. He couldn’t actually see the stars thanks to the pollution from the lights affixed to the surrounding houses in clear contravention of the San Diego Outdoor Lighting Regulations Code, but he was grateful nonetheless. No need to say another word. He was content to just sit, look at his hands and seethe quietly. Seething quietly was something Jude was excellent at. He’d had plenty of good seething practice lately but he could always use a little more. As his therapist always said, it’s important to have a satisfying hobby. In the two-second pause before Taylor spoke again, Jude found time for an intensely pleasurable seethe about people who:

a) made out with other people

b) strongly indicated a desire for additional make out sessions in the immediate to near future

c) encouraged people to sneak out for the express purpose of said making out, only to

d) abandon them in order to make out and possibly plot to _have sex_ with different people entirely. 

“You have a crush on Connor.” The processing time required for Jude to absorb the implications of this observation was fleeting. He went from perplexed to irritated to insulted in a split-second. He had no time to think about what he was going to say, but he opened his mouth to set Taylor straight anyway. 

Afterwards, Jude had plenty of time to think about what he would have said. He had time as Connor writhed around on the floor of Taylor’s house emitting a weirdly high-pitched yelping noise. The sight and sound reminded Jude of puppies he’d been taken to visit as a “special treat” by one of his foster carers. While the mother was being given her dinner, the puppies had cried and wriggled around in their basket looking for her. Jude had time to think about what he would have said while he was watching, horror-struck, what seemed like a river of blood ooze from a hole in Connor’s sneaker and spread in the direction of the open front door. 

He had time to think while he stood helplessly, arms by his sides, as Daria and Taylor clutched each other with pale cheeks and eyes stretched bigger than usual. He had endless time to think as they waited for the paramedics to arrive. Taylor’s dad had managed to hold it together just long enough to call 911. After that, he was way too upset to do more than sit with his head in his trembling hands, shaking his head over and over. It was left to Jude (and eventually Taylor) to comfort Connor. They each held one of his hands and told him he was going to be just fine. 

Jude had time to think while he focused on Connor’s frightened face and ignored the voice in his head recounting statistics he’d seen on a Red Cross blood drive poster about transfusion rates in cases of massive and uncontrolled haemorrhage.   

Later still, sitting with Moms waiting to hear if he would be allowed in to see Connor, Jude perfected the speech he would have given, if he’d had time to think. 

“I don’t have _a crush_ on Connor. We spend hours and hours and hours playing and hanging out and we never get bored. We sleep over at each other’s houses and eat lunch together practically every day. We share everything. We do our homework together, we have the same favourite TV shows, games, music. He painted his nails just so I wouldn’t get hassled. He eats my birthday cupcakes without asking and I want him to. He was at my adoption hearing. We tell each other things, like, details about our families and stuff. It’s not some stupid game of pretend where you make out with someone in front of everybody just to show off. He holds my hand when no one’s watching and leans on my shoulder when we’re on my bed. He kissed me, _twice_. I kissed _him_. So, no, I don’t have a crush on Connor. A crush is a fantasy. A crush is when someone doesn’t like you back. I like Connor, and he likes me. What we have is a relationship. It may not be totally defined or whatever, but I don’t need that to know it’s real.”

He didn’t know how Taylor would have responded and he didn’t really care. He just knew he was sick of hiding and that at the earliest possible opportunity he needed to tell Connor it was time for all the lying to be over. Mr Stevens came out of the side room and started walking towards them. Maybe Jude would be able to see Connor now. 

Sitting between Moms in the hospital waiting area, Jude thought back to the moment he heard the wail of the sirens coming down Taylor’s street. On the floor by the front door, Connor opened his eyes and locked on to Jude, who was still crouched beside him. For a moment, the awful puppy-like moaning sound stopped. Squeezing Connor’s hand, Jude sneaked a look around him. Taylor was sitting by her dad, her arm around his shoulders. Daria was somewhere down the driveway, waiting to flag down the ambulance.

Without words, as best as he could, Jude told Connor how profoundly he was loved. Out loud, he said, “I’m here. I’ve got you. It’s going to be OK.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is love.


End file.
